Are we in a gay sports bar?
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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