Betty ford says i'm here all night
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
