Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
50% drunk capacity currently
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Randomize
