So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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