my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
