we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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