now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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