He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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