Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
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