Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
