I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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