508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
