My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
