How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
