So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
