theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize
