first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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