remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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