My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
