i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
