Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
