Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
