Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
