Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
