it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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