dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
