You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
