I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize