There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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