Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
