i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.