lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
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i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
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Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.