I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
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She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
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I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night