Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
