I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
