smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Randomize
