She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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