I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
