I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
