I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize