Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
