The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
