I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
