someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
