The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Randomize
