I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
