there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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