You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
