Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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