Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
