i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
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