I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
