Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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