apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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