Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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