hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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