his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
