Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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