she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I checked into jail on foursquare
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
You are the jesus of drinking
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
