I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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