My Higher Power is John Stamos
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
