every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
