she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I just want to make out with him forever
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Randomize
