I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
my god I love twenty year old dicks
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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