I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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