you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
