He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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