I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
